We are naturally as humans drawn to certain people who influence our actions. Most people have about ten. We think we are guided by our own choices, but what determines our values is the guidance of who we respect most and who we are closest to. In modernity, these nine people irrespective of ourselves are in a constant state of flux.
When I examine my own life, this list changes so fast I probably couldn’t accurately track it. My parents of course play a very large role in the group of ten. Some good friends who I thought were cool and had things I wanted also played a large role in the ten. I could easily annul my own preferences to theirs unconsciously. Often the guiding force was a celebrity, film director, or fellow author. They could be either alive or dead. In my book, The Egotist, I account for how I was very proud of my development into quite an individual. While I believed that I was choosing my preferences that guided my individual development, I was a slave to what brought me pleasure. I was handcuffing myself with my ego, until it was unbearable for me and everyone around me.
Corporeal love generally lasts between one and two years. This love is more accurately described as lust. What develops in spiritual relationships is something that grows above the lust and corporeal friendship. By being pleasant to one another, these relationships often lose their luster for fear of hating one another.
When people love, it creates fear, fear of losing the love and the person. There is also the constant fear that the person on the opposite end of the telephone doesn’t feel the same way, they don’t hear your thoughts, or intuitively understand you the way you feel they do. This creates undue hatred and envy. In a normal relationship, this generally leads to divorce, dissolving friendships, building resentments, hating each other on the surface and passive-aggressively.
In spirituality, the hatred that develops is overcome with a higher degree of love, pure love where one learns to care about the needs of another person. Many people claim to experience this in corporeal vessels, but it is always a lie. One’s ego always determines the level of the amount they perceive love. There is always self-benefit.
One can come to a spiritual state out of enslavement to their ego, by transcending one’s natural preferences, by deciding to place spiritual ascendance above all other calculations. The student consciously decides to make the ten students the only environment that influences them. In a Kabbalah group with a teacher in attainment of the spiritual worlds, a student annuls himself to nine relative strangers, overtaking the nine natural determining forces in one’s life. All one has to do is annul their own desire for pleasure entirely to a desire to bring the other nine students pleasure under the guidance of Kabbalistic sources. One chooses to want to lift the friend above this world, more than he or she wants it for one’s self. He or she becomes part of the other nine, loving the friend unconditionally.
The work we do as messengers of the Creator is simple. We connect and annul above our reason. The only obstacle is our ego that grows as a direct inverse of the sacrifice we make. This is why one must decide to make a brit (a covenant). The problem with the brit as it stands now for most who try and annul is the development of the ego inverse relation to their desire to help the friend. It becomes nearly impossible to care for the other friend, as their ego makes them care only for one’s self.
Under such conditions, one is not being honest with one’s self, they’re adhering to the will of the group and doing actions absent of intention. The intention is to overcome one’s desire, but man must know what his desire is, what holds importance over the Creator, why they are unable to see the Creator as the only authority. If one does not examine and account for these things honestly, their prayers for the collective are not heard Above.
After one does the work absent of intention, they create an empty space. One sees the impossibility of caring for someone else as much as they care about their own comfort and security. They are filled with darkness and despair, but this despair without any hope of exit allows one to lift above this world and become part of the force of the Creator. They can love others unconditionally out of a natural inclination forever.